Your children are boring

The further along my 20s I move, the more clogged my social media newsfeeds become with posts and pictures about the children of people I used to know and people I know now. I can guess your reaction at the moment and it will probably fall into one of two categories:

1. Turn off your computer/phone – then you won’t have to deal with it.

2. No ring and no babies, hey? Jealousy is not a good look on you.

Allow me to respond: I don’t spend that much time on these sites, and I do genuinely like many of the people who post yawn-inducing information about their pooping machines, but as they become increasingly common, it makes me wonder how fascinating these people really believe their children to be. I am one of those ‘freaks’ who doesn’t want children, but would prefer a career, spit-free clothing, time to myself and the freedom to get drunk on weekdays to the time-demanding and positively knackering route of motherhood.

I have respect for the people who make it through parenthood with their sanity and house (vaguely) intact. Well done. But I also note that there’s a double standard running through our culture at the moment: choose to only post pictures of yourself/your holiday/the view from your hotel/an update about how you completely nailed all your work that week and deserve a pay rise, and there are many who would denounce you as self-absorbed, or a show off. Complaining about the unrepentent narcissim of the younger generations is the third most popular past time of the over 40s. But parents have been harping on about their sprogs for GENERATIONS and they demand expect you to coo and marvel at their ability to produce tots that can walk. And laugh. And fall over. (Although watching kids get wiped out by footballs/cats/other kids can be pretty entertaining.)

I never have the guts to tell these people just how tedious I find constant updates of little Joshy’s growth spurt, so instead I have compiled a list of things which have more entertainment value than other people’s children:

1. This adorable rabbit:

 

2. This shocking, error-based statistic:

3. David Cameron looking like an idiot:

4. This shot of Edward Miliband playing cricket with an invisible ball:

5. A roast:

6. This stick:

7. This picture of Phil Neville, (a man labelled as the most boring commentator on TV) taking a picture on his iPad, of something I can’t see:

8. This pack of cotton buds:

9. This picture of a corridor. Look, it has doors coming off and everything:

10. This stick. Again.

I do wonder how parents feel if every single person around them doesn’t jump to attention and immediately begin cooing whenever their child shits itself or hiccoughs. But then again, I’m not a parent, so I just wouldn’t understand, even if they told me…

Eating vs. Heating

I am rather angry today. I will explain why.

First, google the question “Where does the UK rank on list of richest countries?”. According to GDP, the United Kingdom ranks as 21st in the world.

Next, google “How many children live in poverty in the UK?” Depending on your source, you will encounter figures from 3 – 4 million.

Lastly, explain to me how the hell this is possible. HOW can we have so much money and have so many people living in poverty? Why is this still socially accepted? Why are we blind to such massive social injustices?!

A large part of the problem still lies in how the government and parts of the media portray those in poverty and how they stigmatised. But I have noticed a slight problem with the pictures that are painted.

We are told that there are millions upon millions of lazy, self-entitled, tax-dodging, swindling benefit scroungers who like nothing more than cheating the system, spending their piling fortunes on flat-screen televisions, fast foods and X Boxes. All the while, raising herds of children to gain more child benefits, who then learn from their parents that you do not need to participate in the country’s economy – plead hard enough (not very hard at all) and you will be handed all you need on a silver platter.

Well these people don’t sound like they’re living in poverty – how could anyone who has a TV and satellite channels be poor? So who are these millions (literally millions) of people who are struggling to pay their bills, keep a roof over themselves and their children and not bury themselves in even more debt? Perhaps they are a figment of the socialist, lefty do-gooders who want decent, hard-working Britons to hand over their honestly earned money?

A few weeks ago I listened to a discussion on a BBC radio station about the people who were choosing whether to buy food or heat their homes. All of the stories made me feel incredibly sad, but one was particularly affecting. A phone call came from a woman who was severely struggling to keep her head above water. She said that turning her heating on wasn’t even a consideration and she was often feeding the dog before taking care of herself because, as she said, “The dog didn’t ask to be in this situation.” I’m pretty certain she didn’t either, but the fact she could have this level of concern for an animal before herself whilst being in such dire circumstances almost moved me to tears.

I know there will be those who cry “Get rid of the dog then! Don’t have a pet if you can’t take care of it!” And to this there are an important couple of points to be made:

1. The caller explained it wasn’t originally her dog, someone left it with her
2. She lived alone, in a cold house – I’m thinking that the companionship of another living, affection being was quite a big factor in her moods.
3. I highly doubt that the money she would save on dog food would solve all her financial problems and buy her a yacht and friggin’ diamanté pony. But maybe I am underestimating the cost of dog food.

All the while this nation-wide situation of hardship and pain is continuing, and increasing numbers of people are turning to food banks to survive day-to-day (some people are having to return food that requires heating because they can’t afford to turn on the oven), the Tory government is cutting local funding to services that more families are relying on, making it more difficult for anyone to obtain benefits.

Oh yes, and major energy companies in Britain have announced price increases of an average of 9%.

Over the last three years these companies have made £3.3 BILLION in profit. BILLION.

David C3PO Cameron

What does David Cameron (our enigmatic, millionaire, Eton-educated, Conservative leader whose aides swear he’s human) continue to talk about?

We need to make Britain work for hard-working Britons. We need to reward hard-working Britons. WORKING.

Dave’s local comp. (Just kidding, it’s ETON.)

Get it? He’s being stuble, I know, but essentially he’s not interested in those who need help because these people are just not trying enough. He knows, right? He’s been there, he worked himself up from nothing? Wait…..what? He was born into a life of privilege and followed the now well-worn track of Eton to Oxford to PM? I’m guessing that deciding whether to put food into his families’ stomachs or to heat their bedrooms has never even crossed his mind.

No wonder he doesn’t know how to solve these problems! Give the guy a break. (A tax break perhaps? I’ve had rich people are found of those.)

To read something from someone who until recently has been one of the millions of people living in poverty in modern-day Britain, try this article by Jack Monroe. You can also head over to her blog and read some of the other stark, wake up call pieces she’s written.